


Random JJ Generator

by ilien



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Yakov is secretly a troll, Yuri doesn't really want to murder JJ, in-universe official merchandise, jj doesn't make a personal appearance, mentions of backgrount Victuuri and possibly Otayuri, or does he?, vending machines, winter holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilien/pseuds/ilien
Summary: At the lobby of the official hotel of Russian Figure Skating Championship in Moscow, the acting men’s senior champion is assaulting a vending machine.





	Random JJ Generator

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eveth_21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eveth_21/gifts).



> This is a New Year present for Eveth_21, based on—she knows what. 
> 
> No vending machines were harmed in the creation of this text.

At the lobby of the official hotel of the Russian Figure Skating Championship in Moscow, the acting men’s senior champion is assaulting a vending machine. Of all the things Yakov never thought he’d live to see, this one is among the bottom five of most desired. 

“Wait, wait, let me,” the former champion says and kicks the machine on the other side. 

At Yura’s age Vitenka was such a nice boy. Selfish and ungrateful, like the lot of them, but sweet and polite; at certain point Yakov actually thought the boy would be a good influence on the growing generation. Shows him how much he knows about kids these days.

After kicking the machine, Viktor inserts two 100-ruble notes and acquires a colourful sealed plastic package. Yakov can guess what’s inside; all of his students signed contracts allowing those plastic keychains with figurines of the world’s top figure skaters (according to ISU) to be made. The fans were very excited, but if you ask Yakov, they’re all throwing their money for nothing.

“What? What? Show me?” Yurka demands, and Vitya obediently opens the package and lets its contents drop on his palm.

“My Yuuri!” he says, happily. “I’ve already got one, but you can’t have too many! I’ll put him on my New Year tree!”

“Oh shut up, you don’t even have a new year tree,” Yura says. “Move, let me try again.”

“I never decorate before my birthday,” Vitya says, but takes a step back and hands Yura two 100-ruble notes.

“This hotel has the same idea,” Yura says and nods at the tree in the middle of the hall. It’s an artificial pine tree; assembled, but still undecorated. 

Then Yakov watches with bemusement as his student inserts the notes, gets the package out of the machine, opens it impatiently—and throws it violently on the floor with a scream, kicking it for good measure.

“Now, now, Yura, you’re littering,” Viktor says.

“Come on, my turn,” Mila says, and kicks the machine. Then she feeds it two notes, takes her package and opens it. “Oh look, I got you!”

“Gimme.”

“No way! I’ve already got Gosha, Victor, and Yuuri, only need myself for the collection now.”

“Greedy hag,” Yura complains and shoves her to get closer to the machine. 

After a series of ritual actions, another half-opened package makes its way to the floor. This one, Yuri steps on, and something breaks with an audible crack.

“Let me try,” Gosha says, taking out his wallet. “Is it obligatory to kick it?”

“Well, we figured that they might not be properly shuffled, since Yura keeps getting the same thing every time, but it doesn’t look like shaking it helps?” Vitya says with doubt.

Georgi uses the machine without trying to destroy it. Here’s who’s a good example to follow.

“Oh look, I’ve got Sara,” he says. “Here,” he hands it to Mila, “for your collection.”

Mila thanks him and pockets the toy while Yura inserts another pair of notes—thankfully, this time without kicking anything. A couple of seconds later the package makes its way to the wall, and then the machine gets some more beating.

“This is ridiculous,” Yura says. “You get everyone, what the fuck!”

“Let me try again,” says Vitya and wastes another 200 rubles. “Look, I got you!”

Yura reaches to take it, but Vitya uses the advantage of being taller and raises it above his head. “Ah, ah, I’ll put it on my tree next to Yuuri!”

“Whatever,” says Yura, “give me money.”

Vitya obediently hands him two notes, and Yura gets another bag.

“What the fuck?” he screams as he opens it. “What the fucking fuck, this is fucking unbelievable, what are even the fucking odds?”

“You can make a Voodoo doll out of it?” Mila tells him.

“Or just dismember all of them one by one,” Vitya says. 

“Or send them to Isabella, I think it will make her happy,” Gosha suggests.

“She’ll have to deal without,” Yura says.

Mila takes her turn at the machine and gets a miniature version of herself, which she proudly demonstrates to everyone in the lobby. 

After that, Yakov observes Goshka obtaining a two-piece set of American ice dancers and the Chinese ladies champion, Mila getting Kenjirou Minami and Emil Nekola, and Vitya getting Ciao Bin and the French pair skaters. 

Yura, judging by his reactions, gets six more JJs and—

“Oh, look! It’s me!” Vitya yells as he looks over Yura’s shoulder. 

“I don’t want you, why would I want you? I want Otabek!”

“That much has been very, very clear,” Mila says. 

“Give it to me then, I haven’t got Vitya yet,” Georgi suggests.

“Fuck off, let me try again,” Yura says, pockets the toy and pulls out a 500-ruble note.

For that, he gets two bags and a handful of 10-ruble coins for change. He lets Vitya deal with the coins and, with visible impatience, opens one of the packages.

“What the fuck?!” he yells, and throws the package on the floor.

“What? Another JJ?”

“Another fucking Viktor,” he says, and kicks the bag.

Gosha picks it up. “If you don’t need it, I’m keeping it.”

“Suit yourself,” says Yura and opens the other package. “Fuck! Fucking bloody hell, what the fucking shit it this?!” 

Another Viktor toy lands almost at Yakov’s feet. He picks it up and decides it’s time to break the party before the staff catches them and causes trouble.

“Yakov!” Vitya yells as he sees him approach, “Come help us!”

“Help you with what? Littering? I think you’re doing just fine by yourselves. Pride of the country, world’s most renowned athletes! Have you spent all your prize money yet, or do you have some left to pay the janitors?”

Yura has the decency to look guilty and picks up two of the toys closest to him. Vitya nonchalantly kicks one of the toys behind the vending machine, out of Yakov’s view.

“Pick them up and go to your rooms,” he orders. “It’s half past ten and you all have the exhibitions tomorrow.” 

The kids help Yura collect the toys from the floor and stuff them in his pockets. 

“The dust bin’s over there,” Gosha says. “We can just throw them away.”

“Fuck no,” Yurka says, pushing the third toy in a pocket that’s barely big enough for one. “I’m making Voodoo dolls. So. Many. Voodoo dolls.”

“I might have another idea,” Vitya says, his finger to his lips; Yakov never liked that look on the boy; it always meant he was _thinking_ , and thinking isn’t Vitya’s strongest side.

“Keep your ideas to yourself,” he tells his student. “And go to bed already.”

“Yes, of course, we’re going,” Vitya says, a little too willingly, but Yakov decides to let it slide. 

When they finish picking up the toys and finally leave, Yakov waits for sensible ten minutes in case someone decides to come back, and then pulls out his wallet. 

He gets three Altins, one Leroy, and one Vitya. 

At breakfast, he observes Yura yelling at Vitya. “I knew you were up to something,” he insists, “You had it all along, didn’t you?”

“Had what?”

“You know what! I woke up in the morning and it was outside my door! I know it was you!”

“Yura, I swear, I didn’t leave my room after you saw me enter it last night, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh fuck you, I don’t believe a single word you say,” Yura insists. 

Vitya looks deeply confused. As Yakov walks past them, answering their greetings, he sees the Otabek toy seated on the table next to Yura’s mug of tea. 

Later that morning Yakov almost passes the tree in the lobby without noticing anything—almost. From a distance, it looks like someone just started decorating it: put on a few ornaments and then left to get more. At a closer look, however, the ornaments are actually the JJ toys Yura had all over the floor last night. There’s something wrong with their center of gravity, though; if they were hanging by their default keyrings, that’s not how they would look. 

As Yakov comes closer, he sees that each of the toys is hanging by a silver icicle strand, the default keyrings nowhere in sight.

From up close, Yakov can see what’s wrong with the gravity center. The icicle strands are wrapped around the toys’ necks. The tree is now decorated with a dozen—no, fifteen—hanged Leroys, even more realistic for the keyrings having been carefully removed.

In another country (in a lot of other countries, Yakov muses) that would probably get Yuri a restraining order, or even a lawsuit. If it gets in the news, it still might—provided, of course, that someone takes the effort to prove who did it.

He sees a stray icicle strand on the floor and looks around. The lobby is empty, not a single guest or employee in sight. He picks up the strand and pulls a toy out of his pocket. Wrapping the icicle around the toy’s neck, he puts it on the tree—there, sixteen.

After that he looks around again—the lobby is still empty—and deposits his two remaining Otabeks in a way that looks like they’re trying to save the JJs, and secures them with stray icicle strands so that it would take a pair of scissors or a knife to remove them from the tree. It’s actually harder than he thought it would be.

The sixteen-year-old Yashka in him tells Yakov he needs to get a camera and wait for Yuri to show up. The grown adult—kind of agrees with him, for once.


End file.
